Pluviali
by LoveLikeLightening
Summary: This takes place in season 7, when Emily is still with the team. Spencer is going through a lot and when things start to get tough he turns to alcohol drugs and self-harm to cope. That's all I have right now. Give it a try. I'll work on the summary when I think of where I'm taking this story. I just wanted to post up the first chapter and see if you guys would like it. :(


Hello everyone, who might be reading this. I hope you like it. I am looking for a beta reader if anyone wants to help. I know I could use one because my grammar and spelling is not always the best. I sometime miss the mistakes when I re-read my stories and it's always good to have another person to help edit. I would love to hear some of your input and comments to help improve the next chapters, maybe even suggest a few ideas as to how you guys would like the story to head. So I guess if you guys want to review, uh be my guests. I really hope you guys like this. I don't think it's too good, but I wanted to share it so please be gentle when you review. I think the character are a bit OC, not very sure. So uh that's it. I hope you guys enjoy. :)

Chapter 1

Help

"_Asking for help is the first step to getting better, but that step can only be taken if the person asking wants it."_

It was 9 pm Reid had stayed late, parenting to do his paperwork and even a few that Emily, JJ and Morgan had slipped him, they usually did this, thinking Reid did not notice, but the truth was; Reid knew. He just never said anything, not even on his bad days because he loved his family and would do anything for them. He was a genius after all and could finish the work faster.

Throughout the day, Morgan Garcia, Emily, Rossi, JJ and even Hotch had given the resident BAU genius worried glances. He had acted so strange lately, ever since Emily and JJ had come back in the few couple of months. At times he was cool and calm, but then he would be jittery and tense. He wore long sleeves, even when they went to warmer climates with scorching temperatures. When his teammates asked if he was hot, he would reply with a shrug and say he was actually pretty cold. Then he would ramble on about why he was cold.

However, today was different. Today Reid was really on edge. His legs would twitch and he drank twice the amount of coffee than he usually did. He kept pulling on his sleeves, barely talked to anyone and at lunch he complete disappeared. Now everyone was going home. JJ, Emily and Garcia left together, stopping briefly at the Spencer's desk to ask if he was okay. He answered like he always did in these situations, his trademark I'm fine. Of course the three beautiful ladies did not believe him, but what could they do. Attack him. No they could not do that. Reid did not trust them as much as he once used to, not after they lied about Emily's death. Reid's trust was hard to gain, and they knew they had lost that trust. Especially JJ, Emily and Hotch. Morgan and Garcia had only kept him in the dark about trying to find Ian Doyle and Rossi knew about the whole operation. Rossi was a wise man with lots of experience, thus when something was happening within the BAU, Rossi knew the signs and usually found out about what was happening.

Spencer had been completely in the dark. Considering he has an IQ of 187, he should have known. The three women said their good-byes and with worried expressions left for the night. Rossi was the next to go. With a head-nod he passed Reid's desk all the while studying the man for any signs of what might be wrong with him. Why he had acted so strange, but he got nothing.

Morgan was on his way down from his office, heading home, but of course like everyone else, he stopped in front of Reid's desk. Actually, Morgan sat on Reid's desk. "Hey. What's up with you man?" asked the black chocolate Adonis, as Garcia would looked up and into the older man's eyes. Morgan could see Reid's vulnerability in his hazel eyes.

"What are you talking about Morgan?" Strangely the young man asked the question tranquilly. This struck Morgan as odd. Reid had always been uneasy in these types of situations. How was he so calm? "Come on man, I can see it in your eyes. What's wrong."

"Nothing. I'm just tired." Answered Reid now playing with his fingers, "Actually I was thinking of asking Hotch for some vacation time."

"Okay man. Do what you have to do, but remember I'm here if you ever need to talk." With that Morgan patted Reid's shoulder, said good-bye and sat at his desk for a long moment debating, within his head if he should go talk to Hotch or go home. Home; where a knife play in the tub. Where he had drugs hidden in his cabinet, but never touched. Where the voices yelled and screamed that he was worthless.

He got up from his chair and made his way to his boss's office. He looked down at his watch; it reads 9:42pm. The young man wondered, if he should burden his boss with his petty problems. Could he actually trust Hotch. After all it was only a few days off. Well that's what he convinced himself. Spencer was planning on committing suicide. He stayed there for what seemed like hours, but was only 3 minutes. Finally, he knocked on the office door. He wanted to end it. He wanted to stop the pain. No one would notice, nor would they care, well that was what Spencer thought. Spencer was depressed, he had been ever since Emily's death.

He had gone home that day and fallen into bed. He felt numb and broken. In the upcoming weeks Reid spiraled out of control, but this time, he didn't use the drugs he bought. He only stored them in this cabinet, in case of a really bad day. Instead he cut. His wrists, arms, legs, thighs. Anywhere he could. Sometimes, he would get drunk and yell at his reflection in the mirror. Slowly he was breaking, but he hid it well because no one seemed to notice.

The day Emily came back he was shocked. He was angry, but not at her, not at JJ and not at Hotch. Spencer was angry with himself. How could he have been so in the dark. He felt so ignorant; all those nights going to JJ's house and crying. Will was understanding of the whole situation,most husbands wouldn't be. Sometimes Spencer wondered why JJ hadn't tied the knot with Will. They had a child, and had been together for 4-5years.

Sure they had their ups and downs, but what family didn't. He used to go home hours later, declining JJ and Will's offer to stay the night, saying they had done enough. He wanted to stay most nights because he knew he would just go cut, go glide the sharp metal against his skin and feel the release. It was all his fault anyway. He was the smart one. He should have seen the signs, but did he do anything. No he did not because he was worrying about his own problems. Another despicable entity he loathed about himself. He was so selfish. It was all his fault Emily was dead.

Then they had a case in Durant, Oklahoma where woman were being killed. He had been so rude to JJ. This made him feel worse. It wasn't her fault, but he was struggling. He had gotten some awful news about his mother the day before the case and for the last couple of months, he wasn't stable, in fact ever since the day Emily came back, he had gotten high. The headaches had gotten worse over the last few months and that night they were on full blast. His head had felt like someone punching it over and over. He gave up and got high, not on Dilaudid, on marijuana. The next morning when he came to his senses Spencer felt disgusted and ashamed.

That was his routine for the next couple of weeks, but the marijuana wasn't strong enough anymore and he began to act out. That was the reason he yelled in the first place. He was craving for a stronger high. That night he went over to Rossi's, while he was baked, he was as high as a kite, and all because of meth. Luckily no one even noticed, they all thought he was back to his old self. He had apparently fooled them pretty well.

Spencer came too from his thoughts when he heard Hotch call, "Come in." The young brunette stood frozen for a few seconds and then got a wave of courage. He grabbed the door knob, twisted it and entered the older man's office then gently closed it.

Hotch was sitting behind his desk doing paperwork. Reid stood by the door feeling awkward and uncomfortable with his arms crossed over his chest looking at his feet has he shifted from foot to foot. He hadn't noticed Hotch looking up from his paperwork, until he heard a solemn, yet gentle voice ask ," Are you okay Reid?" Nevertheless, all Reid could do was stare at his feet while moving back and forth and tugging on his sleeve.

"Reid," said Hotch once more this time in a worried tone, "What's this about. Is something the matter?"

Reid took a long breath and looked up. His lips moved, but no words came out. Then he felt a warm liquid streaming down his face. This caused Hotch to get to his feet and briskly walk over to the BAU's resident genius. He pulled Reid into an embrace. The younger man didn't pull away, instead he held onto the mans shirt and sobbed. Hotch whispered words of comfort, "Spencer I need you to calm down." Hotch never used Reids first name when he addressed the young man. He never embraced another, other than Jack, so affectionately.

"Hotch uh I-I ca-an-an't do this an-an-anymore," said Reid dejectedly.

As Hotch moved Reid over to the couch and sat him down. Gently rubbing his back in slow circles, this was something he did when Jack had a nightmare.

Hotch was really confused and worried because he knew that Reid had not been himself lately. He had proflied they young hazel eyed man, even though they weren't allowed to profile each other, but Hotch had been worried and it wasn't like everyone else hadn't noticed Reid's weird behavior either. Sure, at first he thought Reid was alright, but in the middle of last month the young man had been acting strange and Hotch did not think the talk Spencer had with Emily helped much. It seemed as if the genius doubted himself more than ever, snapped at people for no reason, and even at times wanted to cry.

"What do you mean Reid?" , asked Hotch fearfully. He had an idea of what Reid meant, but didn't want it to be true; Reid was a very important part of the team without him they would probably would never solve half of the cases in time to save the people. Reid was also the one who could make everyone smile, he was like the little brother, the best friend the one you could tell your secrets to knowing you wouldn't be betrayed. Without Reid their BAU family was lost, broken, empty. In fact Hotch had still been trying to persuade Emily to stay instead of leave he team.

The young brunette pulled away from his boss; he used his sleeve to wipe away his tears then replied while he hiccupped, "S-S-Sorry-hic-Ho-hic-Hotch, I'm si-hic-sick." Reid crossed his hands over his chest and looked up at his boss. His hazel eyes, red and puffy and that geeky smile of his was gone, I had been replaced with a frown. Hotch stared into those eyes saw pain and despondency.

Hotch was in denial. The black haired man didn't want to accept the fact that Spencer Reid was breaking. Arron had noticed how sluggish Reid had been. Reid was paler and the circles under his eyes had gotten darker, but the thought that Reid was breaking, just wasn't possible. Everyone noticed that when he slept on the plain, how he tossed and turned indicating nightmares.

Hotch noticed how Reid sat on the chair almost curled into himself and crossed his arms over his chest constantly with his messenger bag beside him; squished between the chair and the brunette's body. "Reid, what do you need?" stated Hotch apprehensively, while one word played in his head over and over "Schizophrenia."

When Reid didn't answer, Hotch asked again "Reid wh-what's going on." then he noticed the tears that stung Reid's beautiful hazel eyes again. The tears ran down the younger man's cheeks."Reid, tell me what is wrong? You're frightening me." Stated Arron gently. Now Aaron Hotchner was not a man who showed fear, usually he was calm, cool and collective, but this was Reid, he always got hurt. Why was it always Reid who got hurt?

"I-I-I…" stuttered Reid, then stopped, "Hotch would it be okay if I took some time off?" asked Reid in a hushed tone. It wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to tell Hotch everything and beg for help, but in the end he just couldn't do it.

"Of course Spencer." Said Hotch feeling a bit relieved, but still bothered, as if that wasn't the reason the young man came, "Take as much time as you would like." Hotch was curious about why Reid was pulling on his sleeves so much lately, but tried not to think of the worst possible scenario. He knew if he asked, then the young man might run, so for now he would be gently and check on the man after he talked to the rest of the team. It would be easier to talk to him and convince him to help, if he was surrounded by his family.

"Thanks Hotch." Replied Spencer. He and Hotch then got up from the couch, and embraced each other. "I hope you feel better soon" spoke Arron gently. Reid couldn't help but relate the embrace to the time when he was kidnapped by Tobias Hankle and the team found him in the cemetery and the first thing he did was hug Hotch. They let go and Reid awkwardly left the older man's office. Leaving his boss standing there confused and fearful.

Reid went to his desk, packing up everything he would need for his leave. He then grabbed his messenger bag and left the BAU building.


End file.
